EP 5: How Do I Become the Leader My Team Actually Needs?
The real difference between managing and leading a team
The difference between managing and leading is simpler than most business owners think, and I learned it the hard way on a Thursday afternoon when my daughter's school called to say she'd been waiting thirty minutes for me to pick her up on early release day. I'd forgotten. At the time, everybody needed me for everything, every question, every problem, every decision, and I thought that meant I was leading. It didn't.
What's the actual difference between managing and leading?
A manager asks, how do I make sure this gets done? A leader asks, how do I help this person become capable of doing this without me? For years, when someone brought me a problem, I just solved it. What should I do about this customer? Do this. Can I give a refund? Yes. It was fast, but it wasn't teaching anyone how to think, it was just handing out answers.
What changed when I hired my first remote employee?
I'd never managed someone I couldn't physically see before, and it made me nervous, so I checked in constantly, probably too much. But my first remote hire had real remote work experience. She started taking ownership of the schedule and customer service, working through problems on her own, and only bringing me in when she actually needed me. That's when I realized she didn't need me hovering. She needed clarity on what she owned, and then she needed me to actually let her own it.
What's the one question that changes everything?
The next time someone on your team asks, "What should I do?", don't answer right away. Ask them instead, "What do you think we should do?" That question forces them to use their own judgment, and then you can coach them through it. Maybe they suggest a credit for a customer, and when you ask why, they explain the reasoning. Now they're not just getting a problem solved, they're developing the ability to solve the next one themselves.
How do you know which decisions to hand off?
Not every decision belongs to your team, and a simple filter helps: if they get it wrong, can you fix it? A $100 credit you wouldn't have given, or a scheduling call you'd have made differently, those are usually fixable and great places for your team to practice. Anything expensive, permanent, or hard to undo probably still needs you. Give your team clear guardrails, like a refund limit or scheduling boundaries, the same way bowling lane guardrails keep the ball moving without letting it fall in the gutter. Guardrails let people make real decisions without having to come find you first.
What should you do with this today?
Pick one person on your team and one decision they repeatedly bring to you. Next time it comes up, ask what they think instead of answering. Coach them through it, let them own it if it's reasonable, and if they make a mistake, let them learn from it. And if they do a great job, let them turn what they did into an SOP for the business. Your team can help build your playbooks. You don't have to document everything yourself.
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